Count to ten and start again, is how I manage to avoid the drama and go about my life. Although I realise a lot of my life has involved walking away and avoiding conflict. I tend to hide behind humour, sarcasm and make light of serious situations. Not the healthiest approach to life and it has cost me a number of relationships.

Ironically, I have a Master of Communications. Professionally, I am fine because I put on a persona. All the worlds a stage etc. We have our parts to act. Not to say I’m a fake. It’s just the professional world sees more of the consciously crafted extrovertism, where the rest of my life deals with my introvetness,

I’ve been reading a book recently where the author discussed making your inner voice a third person. So it’d like we’re talking to a friend rather than ourselves. So instead of using first person pronouns shift it into third.

When the little voice in my head starts to chime in; I will remember my mantra. WWLWHD? For example, this afternoon when I was out walking, my legs were weary and I was hungry. It would have been so easy to turn back towards the house at the half way mark. But I asked myself, what would Lady Witchazel do and of course I followed suit. After all, it’s Lady W, not Lazy W.

So I lifted my head, picked a spot in the distance, and took one step at a time towards the setting sun. 5km later my dogs were barking but it was worth it and Lady W knew it.

I’m two weeks into my 100 days of calorie counting and consistent exercising. I want to lose weight. But why? My phone is asking me. Well, it would be nice to lose the podge, fit into nice clothes, and feel strong and healthy. More importantly, I like the way I feel, I’m more confident and alive when I’m at my best form.

I am pretty lucky. I have the choice to feel this way or not feel this way. And lately I have been choosing to feel good.

Today, I want to take a moment and acknowledge the things I am grateful for.

1. My family
2. My friends
3. My puppies
4. That I get to live in Australia
5. That I was born and raised in England
6. That I have a strong mixed ancestry
7. Sunny days
8. Long walks
9. Pretty birds 🐦
10. That I have a job
11. That I am educated
12. That I have a home
13. That I have food and access to clean water
14. That I have access to the internet
15. Art and Literature
16. Music
17. Mountains
18. Oceans
19. Universe
20. Miracle of humanity

The problem with not checking my daily notifications until 8pm is the challenges become cumbersome. For example, make your bed.

Having read the prompt. I jumped out of bed, straightened the pillows, and pulled the blanket tight over the mattress. After doing ten quick push ups (other challenge), I climbed back into bed and now we are exactly where we started.

I read my chapter for the day where I learned that our failures are just as important to our story as our successes.

Today’s fail was Nando’s including chips in my order by accident, and instead of giving them to someone else, I broke my rule. I inhaled everything but the paper bag.

Who can resist peri peri? It is another of my weaknesses and has probably set me back in my weight loss goals. But you only live with once, and whilst in lockdown; we must embrace life’s simple pleasures.

What would you try if you weren’t afraid of failing?

It would be nice to acquire some persuasive skills, and actually successfully form an argument or negotiation. That would make me slightly more competent in my day job methinks.

Outside of work I’d like to be able to speak different languages. Learning and speaking conversational Japanese preferably in Japan would be amazing. However my efforts so far haven’t really extended past an introduction and a few numbers.

I’d also like to be the person that can climb mountains and barely breaks a sweat. Or maybe run a marathon and keep up with my more agile friends.

I feel like failures and limitations are inevitable, it’s how we react that defines us. I could learn Japanese, train for a marathon, read a book on how to be persuasive… But the fear of failing holds me back. I think it’s like imposter syndrome where I get inside my own head. Part of me knows practicing consistently is the key to achieving the impossible goals,

Just need to tell the voices in my head that…

Writing from my “apocalypse bunker” I took a break from the “being good” and enjoyed five minutes of eating a lovely piece of chocolate cake with caramelised popcorn that I’d bought in honour of Fathers Day in Australia.

Now onto today’s question, ahem, how are you caring for your mind?

Well, I keep a loosely structured routine. My days begin with yoga and meditation. I plan for the standard eight hours sleep and on most days achieve it. I write in this journal, and engage in strategy games that allow me to escape the world.

I suppose I take care by actively engaging and focusing on little projects that I need to do. The fact that my Apple Watch encourages me to breathe every now and again also helps.

I have always found an organised mind help stimulates the light over the dark..

Today’s question is How can you treat yourself today?

Well, today marks a week into the 100 Day Challenge my brother set for us both. Our goal is to shed the COVID calories in anticipation of summer, Christmas and a less severe state of play.

The challenge is simple, burn more calories than we consume. I’m averaging 700-900 calories a day with 90min of moderate exercise. And the result… I’m down 1.5kg from last weekend!

As I’ve said before consistency is key and it is my greatest nemesis. Having to relocate to my parents under Rule 3 (compassionate care) I’m more accountable, as there are eyes everywhere. I mean even the dogs judge me when I move to close to the biscuit tin or if he sees me hovering around the popcorn at 10am.

But perseverance and consistency has shown its dividends.

So to congratulate myself, I decided to put a little method into the madness this weekend. It started with tacos for lunch. Anyone who knows me understands my love for those crispy corn chip shells, and chipotle salsa with sweet corn and avocado thrown atop.

It was the best decision and tasted amazing. I’m salivating at the memories of nine hours ago. To make the experience more delicious, I stayed within my calorie count for the day,

Today’s food log… ahem… two fried eggs on one toast for breakfast, washed down with tea. Coke Zero and two tacos for lunch. Ending the day with an omelette and cup of vegetables.

I fixed mums dinner same time as my own and sighed when she chose she was going to have her Asian prawns only. So as I was dishing up, I placed a cup of vegetables onto her plate.

She looked at me and said “Oh, do I have to eat the vegetables”. I mean who is the parent here. She reluctantly took one mouthful, ate half her prawns, fell asleep and the plate remains abandoned on the kitchen worktop waiting for tomorrow.

Tomorrow, is when the real reward comes, and yes, it is going to be a high calorie day. As it’s Fathers Day I will be cooking roast lamb with the trimmings for my parents. I don’t usually cook for them because my mother controls the kitchen, and we respect each others territory. But as she’s been unwell she has relinquished her power.

I seriously can’t wait. I haven’t had a proper Sunday roast in forever. Mostly because I’m single, lazy and cook for one. But it’s nice to do something for other people and making my parents happy is always a great treat.